My Camelot - In Ruins

Last night I lost a friend
Or maybe he lost me;
This habit of mine seems catching -
Losing friends has become easier day by day;

I wonder if it’s something I did
Or said
And I agonise over nightmares
Where I have no-one
Or the ones I have
Are all those I do not care for;

Then I remember a few names
And repeat them to myself
And smile and dare the night
To do its worst
My knights and ladies (sans the armour)
Who have always stood by me;
And every time someone leaves the round table
I sigh and re-count;

I lost my Galahad last night
And it wasn’t to Lancelot or Arthur
Maybe that would have made it easier
To let it sink in;

I lost him to the court jester
Who rejoices in making all laugh around
While playing them for fools;

But perhaps losing Galahad wasn’t such a loss
His armour was increasingly tarnished
And his Holy Grail grated on me;

I never understood his quest
Nor did he mine;
And so my farewell couched in lines is bid;
Knowing that the knight who meant the most to me
Will never understand this verse, I say to him - adieu.

Ramblings

All my life I have been running

And am tired now

Tired of running away from myself

For I always seem to catch up with me.

Ramblings

A fist closed so tight
Trying to hold on with all its might
Yet the sand trickles through
Fingers that were clenched till they turned blue

(A lousy rhyme with nausea-inducing phrases, it captures my mood today completely.
So wanting to let go, the fingers just don’t unclench and I wonder what I am more frightened of:
A new beginning or the end of the old me)